


El Deafo

by PrinceLoser



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Also: ANGST, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eren's kinda a bully at the beginning sorry, I'm so so sorry, In which Jean is deaf, M/M, Marco is a Sweetheart, Multi, Overused stereotypical bully Eren, again sorry, and Eren is a jerk, i'm trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-18 19:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3581820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceLoser/pseuds/PrinceLoser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jean Kirschtein is a deaf, French foreign exchange student, Marco is sweet little gay baby, and Eren's a lil shit. Also, the title of this work is based off of a book of the same name, it's pretty cute and recommend you read it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

So, let me tell you right off the bat: My name is Jean Kirschtein, I am in high school, and I am deaf. This is my fucking story, alright? Now sit down and shut up. It's hard to understand you guys when you're all talking at once, because as aforementioned: I AM DEAF. _I can read lips_ _,_ but not if you're all up in my goddamn face. Okay, now that my introduction is done, here's my story, enjoy my shitty life and secondhand embarrassment.

 _"Yo, Kirschtein! You did the literature homework, right?"_ A voice to my left states.

 _"Yeah. Why?"_ Really, Jean? Wow. Is there anyone who's smart enough not to talk to these guys?  _Yeah. Anyone other than me._

 _"Let me copy yours. Or else."_ Oh, wow! What an original comeback, didn't see this coming at all!

 _"Uh, no. Fuck you." Smooth move, jackass. Now he'll definitely beat you up!_ Sure enough, as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was shoved into the cold, white painted concrete walls of my school's hallway. I feel the tell-tale feeling of my scalp stinging when my hair is tightly gripped and I brace myself for the worst. The worst, as it turns out, is pretty fucking bad. I feel my head throbbing as it repeatedly hits the wall in front of me. I feel blood mixing with my tears. There's so much. I can hear nothing, except for my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My scalp burns, oh my  _god it hurts._ _  
_

_Why isn't anyone helping me?_   _**They are afraid.**_   _So am I. Help me. Someone. Help, please. **Please.**_ _  
_

I black out. And when I wake up I am propped against a wall stained with my blood. The asshole who did this to me, is lying on the floor. He's out cold. I have blood on my fist, my face, everywhere. His nose is bleeding and there is a horrified crowd. They see the unconscious guy, blood leaking steadily from his nose, and me, covered in blood. I can't hear them, but I can see them.  _They are **afraid.**  _My ears are ringing, and everything goes dark again. When I wake up, I'm in a hospital. My parents are next to my bed. My mom hugs me and says something, I do not know what she says. My dad looks at me disapprovingly. There is a kind of sadness in his dark eyes. A tired kind of sadness. I know then that I can't go back. We have to go somewhere else. 

 


	2. We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I cannot emphasise enough that my body  
> Is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel,  
> Harbouring these diminishing, so-called 'vital organs'  
> Hope my heart goes first,  
> I HOPE MY HEART GOES FIRST!
> 
> And  
> We are beautiful,  
> We are doomed."
> 
> Jean has trust issues, and everything changes for him.

I had spent two weeks in that hospital, or maybe more. I had lost count after two days of lying in my sterile white bed, my mom coming in only to start crying while my father held her. The only thing I could do was lie there, with my fractured skull, bruised knuckles, and...  _something_. I don't know what they called it, I couldn't hear them- in fact, I couldn't hear anything anymore-absolutely... nothing. It was strange, one minute I had all the time to hear everything and now? Now, I had nothing. I felt too vulnerable, I wanted to leave. Wanted to see my mom be happy again. I wanted to _be_ happy. I closed my eyes and fell asleep again. God knows it's all I can do now. 

I wake up hours later to my parents standing by my hospital bed, along with a doctor. They saw me open my eyes and they smiled. I hadn't seen mom smile in so long, I couldn't help but grin too. The doctor tapped my shoulder and motioned for me to sit up, something I hadn't done in awhile. Nonetheless, I tried sitting up without gritting my teeth in pain. Just to prove that I could  _do something_. Before I knew it, I had sat up on my own and my parents practically fucking  _beamed_ at me. The doctor, who's name tag indicated that his name was Dr. Zacharius, mouthed some words at me and it took me a moment before my stupid, fucked up brain processed that he had asked me if I could stand. I felt my mouth move to speak, another thing I hadn't done in awhile and my throat felt really dry.

" _I-I haven't tried."_

 _"Will you try for me? I need to see if you are able to leave the hospital._ " His accent was clumsy and I realized that French was most definitely not his first language, but when he mentioned leaving this place I couldn't help but scramble to get out of bed, probably looking like a freakish excuse for a merman. But deep down I knew I could do it. As soon as I finally slid to the edge of my bed and placed my bare feet on the cold tiles, I stood tall for the first time in forever, pretty proud of myself. _I was finally free of this place._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! You still reading this? Well, I'd like to thank you again. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. The beginning chapters will be short til I can find the time and inspiration to develop more plot. Til next time~ c:


	3. Free Fallin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna free fall out into nothin'  
> Gonna leave this world for awhile."
> 
> Jean thinks he's finally free from the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that the original El Deafo is by Cece Bell! Seriously please read it.

_**I'm finally free!** _

Or so I thought. But was I right? Not by a long shot! According to Dr. Zacharius, I was now deaf. Yep, real shocker huh? Well, in any case, we still had to worry about my lack of hearing abilities and what to do about it. The answer was pretty simple to me; hearing aids. I had relayed this information to my parents, and they brought it up with Dr. Zacharius. They all seemed to agree with me and so, we got my ears filled with some nasty gunk to imitate the form of my ear canals and create the mold for the little plastic buggers. Fuckin' nasty, man. Whatever, I was psyched, in all honesty.

I was briefly reminded of my childhood dreams of having a magic remote to mute people. Well, with these hearing aids, that would now be a reality. I thought it was pretty cool, my parents... eh, you know how older white people are. But we found out it would take about a week to make the devices and make sure they worked correctly. Damn. However, during this week, I wouldn't have to go to school. Sweet! Instead I would be learning sign language with my parents and learning to read lips. Only one problem. I was going to be learning  _American_ sign language. And my parents informed we would be moving. _To America_. Great, that means I would actually have to learn complicated English, past what we learned in school.

I will now take a moment to admit, I was excited. And scared, as well as anxious. But in any case, my parents got passports for all three of us and booked our flight. The date was set and we went home, straight to packing I guessed. And I guessed correctly. We had been offered a place to stay in America, a house owned by my aunt Katheryn and my uncle Matthieu. Greeeeaaat, even more family drama with extra family on the side. God have mercy on my soul.


	4. Above The Clouds Of Pompeii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "￼We built our home out on the slopes  
> Pompeii beneath, she lay above  
> How she haunted our home  
> How she haunted our home
> 
> You were a god in my eyes  
> Above the clouds, above the skies  
> You were a god in my eyes  
> You were a god"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Finally another chapter? You bet! Sorry that it took forever and I'm such a shitlord.  
> ( ;´･ω･`)

After thoroughly chucking all my clothes and belongings into bags and boxes, we were on our way to the airport. I don't remember much about the drive there, just that it was raining and my parents were mostly silent for the entire ride. Every once in a while, my mom would look back at me and let her mouth quirk into what she seemed to believe was a reassuring smile.

I would always tiredly smile back at her in a admittedly weak attempt to comfort her. The truth is, my stomach didn't feel like it was filled with butterflies of excitement. It was more like wasps, angrily stinging my insides and leaving me feeling nauseous, as if my guts were filled with lead and venom. It left a bitter taste in my mouth, the taste of pathetic fear and weakness.

I was jolted from my self-loathing thoughts by my mother's gentle touch on my shoulder. She gestured to the building we had parked by, and gently tugged on my sleeve, indicating that we were, indeed, at the airport. I grabbed my bag from the trunk and let my mom guide me around until we reached the terminal, my dad trailing behind.

We were told that we needed to wait to board the plane, so I dug out my PSP and fucked around for about an hour, just trying to kill time. Once again, my mom got my attention and let me know it was time to board the plane. I packed away my shit and timidly shuffled onto the plane, bracing myself for an 11 to 14 hour flight.

After the flight attendant gave her whole spiel about safety, not being an ass, and how to kill virtually everyone by opening the doors while in the sky, I found myself dozing off, the cumulative effect of many sleepless nights and bad times in general. So, I slept. I don't know how long I slept or if I could even consider passing out in a shitty and scratchy recliner in the sky even counted as sleeping well, but I would take what I could get. Sleep was sleep, as far as I was concerned. 


	5. Indefinite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry.

I'm sure that you're all aware that I haven't added to this story for like a year or more, and for that I'm very sorry but I think it would be wrong for me to continue to write a story from the perspective of a deaf character without knowing what it's like for a deaf person in their everyday life, I must confess that when I began this story I hadn't done a lot of research on the topic. I'm not necessarily abandoning this fic but at this point I don't like the pacing or where it's at or even the context that this story is written in. I will probably try to rewrite it at some point but until then this fic will be on an indefinite hiatus, and im sorry to everyone who's been waiting. Until then, thank you for all the support you've given me so far! I love you guys!


	6. Free Fallin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna glide down, over Mulholland  
> I wanna write her, name in the sky  
> I wanna free fall, out into nothin'  
> Gonna leave this, world for awhile
> 
> And I'm free, free fallin'  
> Yeah I'm free, free fallin'"  
> \-------------------------------------------------------------  
> Okay! I'm back with another chapter. Since it's summer, I hoping to be writing more, and I'm sorry the chapters aren't as long as we both wish they were.

  I slip in and out of consciousness in my seat as we soar through the clouds. At one point I wake up and just stare out the window. I marvel at how small yet infinite the ocean seems to be from this high up, I realize that although some things are more difficult for me now, it isn't really that big of an issue. A drop in the ocean, as the saying goes.

  At this point I'm wide awake and I look over towhere my parents are sitting. They're asleep, mom's head resting on dad's shoulders, they have their hands clasped together, gently yet tightly as if, even in his sleep, my father is protecting my mother, holding her safely close, but allowing her to do the same for him. 

  I gently smile, a rare ocurrance, and not even that visible, just a small quirk of my lips. I always said that I wanted a relationship like my parents have. I softly sigh and turn back to the window.

_  'Maybe I can still have something like that. I'm starting in a new place, I can be a new person! But, I dont really want to change who I am. I am who I am. If I meet someone and they like me for who I am, then maybe it's meant to be. I don't even care about gender in a partner. Love is love.' _

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first story I've posted on here. And if you've read all of this: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I just really like writing, as it is a creative way to get rid of stress and tension. So, again, thank you. You're all precious and I love you. ♥


End file.
